You Can't Manifest Being Beyonce


Let's have a little fireside chat while we freeze our assess off in this winter tundra we call home. I want to start by saying: You cannot be Beyonce. She's already a thing and you're not her, so yea. That's not going to happen for you. No vision board will result in you being the Queen B herself.

Here's the thing: You can't actually be everything. Or do everything. And it isn't your fault if you don't "have it all". No one can do everything. No one has it all. Yes, we can dream big & set goals & work hard. YES. No, we cannot control life in its entirety. People leave us. Bosses don't promote us. We get sick. Bad things happen to good people all the time. ALL.THE.TIME.

This idea that we can manifest a perfect reality? It's a lie. I'll let you catch your breath while I say it again: It's a lie. And it's a lie that's perpetuated by people who have a lot and think you're just not doing enough or YOU COULD HAVE A LOT TOO! Sometimes that's true. Most times it's not. The single mom working three jobs with three kids and no support or healthcare? She's working her ass off every day and that beach house, dream job at Google and sexy man are nowhere to be seen. What is she doing wrong? I dare to say: absolutely nothing.

There's a lot you can create through your own power. Not magic. You are not magic. When I say "your power" I mean your intelligence, your work ethic, your discipline... the things you possess that you can use to build things. But you can't create it all. You can't create perfect health. Or perfect relationships. Or a perfect job. You can work towards improving & growing & you can let go of old thought patterns that don't serve you. You can heal from painful things (yes, even really, really painful things) and you can dream bigger than you thought possible and you may be able to access a better life through lots of hard work. But creating a vision board, thinking about what you want a lot & then, "poof", one day it's all yours? Nope. Not gonna happen. Life doesn't work that way. You're not actually that powerful. Sorry, guys.

In this self-help, yoga, guru obsessed, entitled world we all live in, it's good to have this little reminder lest we run around telling people we manifested our damn near-perfect lives with food on the table every day and all. We don't want to be all "Look at me! Look what I did!" and risk making 99.9% of the people around us feel diminished and sad. If you have a job you love - shout it from the rooftops, man. Let that little light shine. You're a fucking firework. Can you do it nicely though? And maybe not take all the credit? You probably had some helpful (funding?) parents along the way that supported you in a killer education. Or a great (even "good") partner who gave amazing career advice and helped you with the kids. Or friends who listened and contributed and loaned and built and forgave. Maybe you had the funds for childcare. Maybe you had the resources to know where to go to get assistance. There were also probably employees who worked their asses off when you weren't even looking. And clients who gave you a chance when you were a risk to them. Oh yea - and there was likely a boss who gave you a lucky break. You didn't do it alone. Sorry. 

If you are in a relationship you love then you didn't do that alone either. Someone fell in love with you (despite your many flaws) and is choosing you each and every day even though you take his toothpaste out of the shower every morning (he's a shower brusher) and he's going to lose his goddamn mind if you do it one more time. Cough. ANYWAY - the point is: relationships, as you know, take two to tango. You didn't do that alone or make it happen all on your own. Maybe someone said, "You should meet this person..." Maybe you were lucky enough to be in a network of people (based on a thousand factors you weren't directly responsible for) that allowed you to meet wonderful people. Lots of people don't ever get those opportunities. Maybe your education and your job and your looks (you're also not fully responsible for those - that's your mom & dad mostly) created a perfect cocktail that made you someone who was a hot commodity in the dating world. I don't know. It took a lot of people to get you this shit, ok? A LOT. 

And you know what else? There was a lot of luck peppered in there as well. You got lucky. My boyfriend makes great money at a job he loves and he's a high-school dropout. He'll be the first one to tell you that he doesn't "deserve" what he has. Yes, he works hard. Yes, he is smart. Yes, he is reliable. So are many, many, many other fine people out there who don't have what he has and never will. He knew someone who helped him get a job that was outside his skill set. He knew another person who helped him with his resume. He knew another person who took a chance on him and then promoted him... and so on and so forth. It was a series of really f-ing lucky breaks. He's also a white man living in America and over 6 feet tall with very educated parents. So you know. The force was with him.

It's a very arrogant way to live to walk around assuming others don't have what you have or don't have things "better" in some way because they aren't mentally willing it to be so. Or they aren't "working on their inner world" enough. Or they don't have big enough dreams and balls to make shit happen. That's likely not the case. I can list for you hundreds of possible scenarios where things like the family you were born into, the part of the world you were born into, the socio-economic status you were raised in, the education you had, the sex and/or looks you were born with, etc. can HUGELY effect your ability to have a zillion different things. It's hard for everyone in different ways. Don't assume your ways were conquerable so theirs must be too. That's bullshit. Some people just plain have it harder. Some people just plain have less.

This is not meant to kill your New Year "new you" buzz. It's meant to bring a healthy perspective to the process. I'm leading a workshop on Saturday, February 3rd (1:30-3pm at Visible Voice Books) called The Pink Sky Workshop. It's about dreaming HUGE (the sky is the limit!) and imagining our most heart-stopping life. It's about setting goals and learning about practical ways to tackle them. It's meant to get you excited and feeling creative and inspired. It's MEANT to get you thinking things like, "Maybe I don't need to work this shitty job anymore..." That's the whole point of it. I want you to believe you can achieve great things. No matter who you are or where you come from or what you've previously done. Having said that, I know there are limits within all of us and I respect those. We can work with them. We can be amazing people despite them. We can be amazing people BECAUSE of them. There's a lot we can control, so we focus on that stuff. For the rest, we have each other to lean on.